Posted on: April 13, 2007

Passion Tips for the Time-Crunched

Struggling to find time for intimacy? Try these quick-yet-quality steps to spice up your love life in minutes

By Mary Fons
CTW Features

When your list of things to do seems to grow by the minute, it’s easy to cut out any “unnecessary” obligations in order to maximize your time. Often, “spend quality time with partner” drops to the bottom of the list.

But with just a few small changes, you can make a big difference in the level (and quality) of intimacy and passion in your relationship.

Dr. Joe James, Ph.D., is a Maryland-based psychologist who hears a lot of couples complain they “never have any time for each other.” James says that there are several reasons for this.

“Sometimes, this complaint is really just a smokescreen for a bigger problem,” he says. “But for others, it really is hard for them to find the time to give to each other, especially after that ‘new love’ phase has passed.” If that’s the case, James suggests making a date with each other – and sticking to it.

“I suggest people reserve one night a week to be their ‘date night’ or even their ‘sex night.’ This time has to be totally inviolable.” James also suggests surprising your partner, but not just with chocolate or other gifts.

“For a lot of people, sex and passion needs to involve mystery to be exciting. When you’re with someone for a long time, that mystery can fade. You can bring that back to a relationship by exploring each other’s most private fantasies. A lot of couples are scared to go there, but it’s highly effective if you want to renew passion.”

Rori Gwynne, author of “Have The Relationship You Want” (e-book, 2005), is a relationship coach based in California who agrees that exploring fantasy and touch is important in any relationship. She also points out that while gifts and “date nights” are good ideas, staying in the moment is the first step in creating more passion in a relationship.

“Everyone is so fast paced these days,” says Gwynne. “There’s no time to just be where you are, which is what passion requires. You can make dates with your mate from here to next year, but if you can’t truly be present with your partner, it’s not going to help much.”

Gwynne says that if you can learn to stay in the moment, it becomes easier to appreciate the little things that your partner does from day to day, and then the passion starts to take care of itself.

“Make the most of the time you do have. While you’re crossing paths in the kitchen, while you’re making a list of groceries to get at the market, while you’re racing to the car, examine the quality of the connection you have in those moments. Stop. Look each other in the eye. Smile. It makes a huge difference.”

Tips for Time-Crunched Lover from Coach Rori and Dr. Joe

1. Appreciate the little things your partner does every day, and tell them so!

2. Be willing to experiment in the bedroom – don’t be shy about your desires and fantasies.

3. Surprise your mate with gifts, words and actions.

4. Look each other in the eye.

5. Try to be present when you’re with your mate: Don’t think about tomorrow. Stay in the moment and enjoy where you are now.

6. Dress up! Not only will you feel more confident, your mate will appreciate it, too.

7. Realize that it takes effort to change patterns. Nothing will change unless you take action.

8. Don’t allow the “no time for love” excuse to be a smokescreen for deeper relationship problems. Talk to each other honestly and openly.